Super Hero vs. Evil Doer

The world was once again safe from the clutches of evil thanks to Super Hero, the most powerful superhero in the world, and his loyal sidekick, Hero Lad. Having thwarted the evil plans of Evil Doer for the second time that week, Super Hero had earned himself a little rest and relaxation.

In the city of Metropolitan, Super Hero was doing just that; relaxing with several other superheroes as he shared the tale of his latest adventure over a few too many drinks and even more laughs.

“Ok. Ok. Ok. Where was I? Oh, that’s right. So Evil Doer has me strapped to this funky tilting table and I’m more or less standing up with these scary looking Frankenstein’s lab electro tower things on each side of me. I can’t move and can’t really turn my head far enough to get a shot at the towers with my laser sight. I’m thinking that Evil Doer has finally gotten his act together and my goose is cook,” said Super Hero with a chuckle.

Super Hero was what you would expect from the world’s greatest hero. He had raven black short hair and perfect tan skin. As always, he was dressed in his red, white, and blue tights and cape. And despite the years of saving people and stopped disasters, he looked pristine and flawless.

Super Hero continues his story, “Now Evil Doer has won; he just hasn’t realized that yet. All he has to do is turn on his contraption and I am toast. I am guessing it is probably just a simple button push or pull of a lever, but doesn’t happen.”

“Don’t tell me. He did it again?” questioned Nocturnal Echo Locating Flying Mammal Man.

“The Monologue!” the room exclaimed in a drunken slur.

“Evil Doer starts talking and talking and talking. He goes on about his latest plans for world domination and how he is going to use his latest death ray to hold the people hostage. Then he starts on how there is nothing I can do about it because my time is up. I swear he could bore you to death with his monologues. Before I realize it, he’s telling me how much he has enjoyed our duels and how he considered me an equal.”

“How’d you ever survive?” asked Nautical Man.

Super Hero quickly slammed two shots before continuing.

“Well, we all how Evil Doer gets once he gets started. He turns everything out. I swear he gets off on hearing himself talk. It gets bad sometimes. Once he went off on the cost of tea in China and the economics of it. He even had graphs and charts. This time wasn’t any different. He didn’t even notice that Hero Lad had snuck into the room and was hiding behind some crates in front of me. Which reminds me. I need to make a toast. To Hero Lad, greatest sidekick a guy could have. Always knows what needs to be done. And… And… Did I ever tell you guys about the time when…”

“Super Hero.”

“Yes, Amazing Girl? You know you look really hot today.”

“Thanks, I think. But I was going to say one story at a time. You were telling us about you last encounter with Evil Doer.”

“You are absolutely right. Ok so Hero Lad… He’s my best friend forever by the way. Anyway, Hero Lad creeps out of the shadows while Evil Doer is off on his tangent and I am wondering how we are going to pull this on off without getting us killed. That’s when Hero Lad pulled out his trusty Hero Shield and I knew what I had to do. I am going to tell you why Hero Lad is so great because I still can’t wrap my head around it. I shot my laser sight at the shield and he managed to reflect the beams in two different directions and hit both of those towers. Hero Lad is cool like that. Before Evil Doer knows what’s happening… BOOM! By the time the smoke had cleared, Hero Lad has freed me and Evil Doer did what he does best; he disappeared. But no worries because the world was once again safe. Now who wants jello shots?”

“No more for me. I am calling it a night. See you later Hero. Night guys,” slurred Hero Lad as he went out the door.

——

Earlier that day, others were discussing the latest interaction between Evil Doer and Super Hero, but this exchange was more anger and fear than drunken laughter.

“Dr, I don’t think you are giving this your all. I am not convinced you really want to help me. What kind of therapist doesn’t want to help? Do I have to test out my new toy on you and turn you into goo?”

“Evil Doer this is what I am talking about. It is hard for me to want to help you when first you kidnap me from my home and second you threaten to kill over and over again. But I am smart enough to know that you are probably going to kill me anyways.”

“You don’t know that… Ok, so yeah maybe, most likely, but it’s not a given. I kind of like you. You remind me of my father.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Now can we can stop talking about you and continue to talk about me?”

“Of course. You were talking about this last time that you captured Super Hero and were going to kill him. What happened after you captured him?”

Evil Doer laid back down on the couch and took a deep breath.

“I had Super Hero secured between the two coils of the latest version of my electro-pulse yinhalozite powered de-atomizer and he wasn’t going anywhere. I all I needed to do was hit the on button and goodbye Super Hero.”

“Yinhalo-what?”

“Yinhalozite is crystal from Super Hero’s home planet and the one thing that can take away his powers. In its presence, he is as fragile as any man.”

“So why didn’t you do it? Why didn’t you just hit the button and kill him?”

“For a doctor, you aren’t very bright. I can’t just kill him. If I was going to just kill him, wouldn’t I have done it all those times I managed to sedate him? No, I can’t just kill him. I have to…”

“Monologue?”

“What?”

“Evil Doer, you monologue a lot and I mean a lot. Every time you capture Super Hero or anyone else, you go into one of your monologues and always tell the good guy way too much. How did Hero beat that one time in the Andes? I’ll tell you. The entire time he was in your clutches, you talked none stop about how you were going to kill him and how he couldn’t stop you because of this and that. You told him exactly how to beat you. I swear you like to hear yourself talk.”

The doctor continued this rant, getting louder and angrier as he went on.

“Not that you could kill Super Hero anyways. I am not saying you don’t have the means, but I think you are afraid to commit to it. You don’t know what you will do once he is dead so you set yourself up for failure. You are worse than a scared little boy. And what is with the lab coat and crazy hair cut. Get a hair cut and buy a damn suit. You look like a slob.”

“Dr, you will live to regret that. Or not.”

When the pulse from the gun hit the doctor, he let out a silent scream. His vocal cords unable to get a sound out before they, like the rest of him, were turned into a puddle of goo on the floor.

Evil Doer got up from the couch and stepped over the form doctor on his way out of the room.

“You know I just realized I hated my father. He was a know-it-all like you. But you do have a point.”

——

He woke up feeling as if someone had put his head in a vise and was trying to get his eyes to pop out of his skull. His vision was really blurry as he fought to focus on anything, but it just makes his head hurt more. And why were his ears ringing?

He didn’t remember drinking that much last night. No, he was positive he didn’t have that much to drink. Plus this wasn’t the normal “you had too much to drink” hangover headache. This was more like “you’ve been drugged outside the bar and abducted yet again because you’re a sidekick” headache. Crap.

“I see that you are finally awake.”

“Damn it, Evil. What the hell? Can’t you abduct me without giving me a headache? You’re supposed to be some kind of genius, not that your track record shows that. What do you want this now? Didn’t we just kick your butt? Don’t you need to go and lick your wounds or something for a bit before you start your usual shit again?”

“Kind of mouthy for a captive aren’t you?”

In his best sarcastic, little kid’s voice, Hero Lad replied, “Oh, Evil Doer please don’t hurt me. You will never get away with this. Super Hero will stop you.”

“Smart ass. I am just glad you understand how this works. It saves us time. Contact Super Hero so he can come to your rescue.”

“Good. The sooner we get this done and Hero kicks your ass, the sooner I can take something for this splitting headache and get some sleep. So, where am I?”

“The old abandoned warehouse off Pier 12.”

“Figures. You need better taste. Hand me my phone. Oh and I must say, you need to do something with your hair. How many times have you been zapped by your contraptions? You look like you stuck your figure in a socket.”

“Everyone’s a critic.”

Hero Lad fought past his headache long enough to contact Super Hero and go through the motions. Having made similar calls many times in the last few years, his voice flat and monotone during the calling. He hung up the phone and handed it back to Evil Doer.

“I can not thank you enough for your help. You have made things so much easier for me now that Super Hero is coming to me. It is so hard to set a tap when you have to go to your prey. I know we have already been over this, but go ahead and say it.”

“Say what?”

“You know you want to say it. You and your ilk live to say it so go ahead.”

“You’ll never get away with it!?”

“That’s it and of course I will, but you won’t be around this time to find out.”

“What are you…”

BOOM

The force of the bullet blew the majority of Hero Lad’s brain out the back of his head, painting the wall in flesh and bone fragments.

——

For the thousandth time, Super Hero was glad he wasn’t human like everyone else. If he was, he would have probably died from all the alcohol he drank the night before, he definitely wouldn’t have been able to deal with Evil Doer and yet another “take over the world” scheme.

Super Hero arrived at the warehouse several minutes after hearing from Hero Lad. He could have made the trip from across town in a fraction of the time, but he was in no rush. This was just another day in the office for him. It was always the same.

First Evil Doer starts his plans toward taking over or destroying the world. The good guys find out about it, and nine out of ten times somebody gets captured. Someone always gets captured or kidnapped. Then the good guys foil Evil Doer’s plans and the cycle starts over again. One of these days, Super Hero was going to have to put Evil Doer away for good. Dealing with him all the time was starting to become a hassle.

Hero to a look around with his x-ray vision as he entered the warehouse to find one of the rooms had been lined with lead.

“Where do these villains find all this lead at? Next time I have to find a villain’s lair, I will start my search at the mill and ask about their lead shipments. It should either lead me to the villain or the hospital,” Hero chuckled.

The room was pitch black when he entered and before we could get a feel for place using the light coming in from the open door, the door slammed shut behind him. Blinding white light lit up the room so intense that Super Hero could not tell where it was coming from.

The brilliant white was broken for second as a door opened in front of Hero and a figure stepped in.

“Hello, Hero. Glad you could join me.”

Super Hero could barely make out Evil Doer in the light, but he looked different.

“Evil Doer, is that you really you?”

“Do you like the hair cut and what about the suit? It’s Armani or some fancy thing like that. It was suggested by my therapist that I needed a change. I finally realize he was right. Too bad he is now a stain on my carpet that I will never be able to get out. Then the suggestion was seconded by the late Hero Lad. So, here I am a changed man.”

“What did you say about Hero Lad?”

“I said I killed him and boy was it messy.”

Super Hero started to lunge at Evil Doer, but there was no strength behind his movements and instead he fell flat on his face.

“Did I forget to mention that the light is being filtered through yinhalozite crystals? You are powerless and helpless now.”

“You won’t get away with this. Hero…”

“Hero Lad will stop me? Funny thing, Hero Lad said something similar before I blew his brains out.”

“I’ll kill you. I’ll KILL you! I’LL KILL YOU!”

“I’m sorry old friend, you got that wrong. Say hi to Hero Lad for me.”

Hero’s eyes opened wide at the sound of the gun’s hammer being pulled back by Evil Doer.

——

Little Mikey put down his Super Hero and Hero Lad action figures and glanced at his Official Super Hero Fan Club watch. It was two to three and the Super Hero Action Show was about to start. Mickey never missed an episode and today was not going to be different.

Holding his arm out in front of him, Mikey ran through the house to the TV room; pretending to fly just like his hero. Flopping down on the couch, Mikey grabbed the remote and flipped to the channel just in time for the opening credits to start.

The Super Hero symbol flashed on the screen and the theme music started. Mikey was so excited. Today, Super Hero was going to read off this month’s names of fan club members who were having there birthday this month. Super Hero was going to read off Mikey’s name. He could hardly wait.

Before the theme song finished though, the sound started to fade in and out. The screen filled with static and started to go black.

“Mom, I think the TV is broke!”

The static started to clear and instead of Super Hero, Mikey stared at the image of Evil Doer. Mikey didn’t know why, but he didn’t think this was part of the show.

When they had “Evil Doer” on the Super Hero Action Show, he always looked a little fake and that didn’t fool a try Super Hero fan like Mikey. This guy was different though. He was real, too real. Mikey didn’t like this at all.

Then he spoke.

“People of the world, I have killed your super hero.”

The screen changed again and Mikey just looked on in stunned terror. Over and over again the last moment of Super Hero’s life looped on the screen. Each time it started over, Mikey felt more and more of an emptiness inside.

Removing his home made cape, Mikey used it to wipe away his tears as he left the room. He walked back to his room and closed the door without looking back at the TV.

He once wanted to be a fireman or police office so he could help people, but not anymore. He needed to start now. He needed to learn everything he could. He needed to become strong physically as well as mentally. He needed to fill a hole in the world and make evil pay.

One day he will be strong. One day he will be smart. One day he will be the next Super Hero. And on that day, Evil Doer will suffer.