Captain Heroic vs. Professor Ubel
The world was once again safe from the clutches of evil thanks to Captain Heroic, the most powerful super hero in the world, and his loyal sidekick, Hero Lad. Having thwarted the devious plans of Professor Ubel for the second time that month, Captain Heroic had earned a little rest and relaxation.
In the city of Metropolitan, Captain Heroic was doing just that; relaxing with several other super heroes as he shared the tale of his latest adventure over a few too many drinks and even more laughs.
“Ok. Ok. Ok. Where was I? Oh, that’s right. So Professor Ubel has me strapped to this funky tilting table and I’m more or less standing with these scary looking Frankenstein-like lab electro towers on each side of me. I can’t move and can’t really turn my head far enough to get a shot at the towers with my laser sight. I’m thinking that Professor Ubel has finally gotten his act together and my goose is cooked,” Captain Heroic said with a chuckle.
Captain Heroic was what you would expect from the world’s greatest hero. He had short, golden hair and perfectly tanned skin, and as always he was dressed in his red, white, and blue tights and cape. Despite the years of saving people and stopping disasters, he looked pristine and flawless like a god among men. And to this day, no one knows what he is a captain in.
Captain Heroic continued his story, “Now Professor Ubel has won; he just hasn’t realized that yet. All he has to do is turn on his contraption and I’m pretty sure I’m toast. I am guessing it is probably just a simple push of a button or pull of a lever, but doesn’t happen.”
“Don’t tell me. He did it again?” questioned The Kiwi. Kiwi, as in the flightless bird, was your common vigilante crime fighter without any real powers whom walked the thin line between justice and injustice. He is also known for having some of the worst luck of anyone in the hero business; topped only by the bad luck of his sidekicks, all of whom seem to die within twenty-four hours of starting the job. The Kiwi hasn’t had a sidekick applicant since Winged Boy was hit by a bus of nuns a couple years ago.
“What did he do?” questioned Mudwasp, as he downed another shot of concentrated sugar water. As the newest member of the Collective of Supers, Mudwasp still had a lot to learn and was still without his own arch nemesis to battle.
“The Monologue!” the room exclaimed in a drunken slur.
“Professor Ubel starts talking and talking and talking. He goes on about his latest plans for world domination and how he is going to use his latest death ray to hold the people hostage. Then he starts on how there is nothing I can do about it because my time is up. If it wasn’t for my outstanding constitution, I swear his monologues would have killed me years ago. Before I realize it, he’s telling me how much he has enjoyed our duels and how he almost considered me an equal.”
“How’d you ever survive?” asked Nauticus who really didn’t care about Captain Heroic’s story. Nauticus, whose biggest claim to hero fame was the ability to breathe underwater, was only there for the free drinks that flowed any time Captain Heroic got into story telling mood. This was a nightly occurrence which was a good thing since Nauticus drank like a fish and free booze was the best kind.
Captain Heroic quickly slammed two shots before continuing.
“Well, we all know how Professor Ubel gets once he gets started. He tunes everything out. I swear he gets off on hearing himself talk. It gets bad sometimes. Once he went off on the cost of tea in China and the economics of it. He even had graphs and charts. This time wasn’t any different. He didn’t even notice that Hero Lad had snuck into the room and was practically hiding in front of him.
This reminds me, I need to make a toast. To Hero Lad, greatest sidekick a guy could have. Always knows what needs to be done. And… And… Did I ever tell you guys about the time when…”
“Captain Heroic!” interrupted Amazing Girl.
