Talk’s Cheap

Note: I will be the first at admit this one isn’t my greatest, far from it. And that was reflected on the grade I got for it. It is me just being silly with my writing, so why not include it.

“Do you mind if I sit down with you,” the man said as he sat down in the booth across from Quinn.

“Sure. Why not,” said Quinn without looking up from his steak and eggs breakfast. “Name’s Quinn. What’s yours?”

“Umm…. My name’s not really important,” said the man. He grabbed a piece of Quinn’s toast as he scanned the restaurant.

“Well, how are we supposed to have a conversation if you won’t even tell me your name? I mean, it’s the smallest of small talk, isn’t it?” Quinn said.

“Look here, I said that my names not important, so just let it be. Ok.”

“I mean, I told you my name. I know you can’t get much worse than Quinn anyway.”

The man called over the waitress and ordered a couple cups of coffee. He drank the coffee with one cup in each hand. After he finished the coffee he sat quietly for a second before continuing the conversation.

“Look, Quinn, I told you I didn’t want to tell you my name. Is that too much to ask? I mean, I didn’t ask you how much your breakfast was, now did I?”

“It was $5.99 plus tax. Are you happy now? Now, just tell me your name.”

“No. No. Listen to my words. No.”

“Look, I can’t just call you man, now can I? I have to call you something, correct?”

“Alright, alright. My name is Billy Bo Bob. I don’t want to hear one word about it.”

“Billy Bo Bob? That’s fine with me. So, Billy, what brings you here to this booth this morning?”

Billy Bo Bob slammed his fist on the table and stared at Quinn. “It’s not Billy. Its Billy Bo Bob, ok,” he said.

“Alright, Billy Bo Bob, why are you here this morning?”

“You’re pretty nosey aren’t you? I mean, all I remember asking is just if I could sit down. I wasn’t really expecting the third degree.”

“Calm down, alright. It was just a simple question. Why are you getting so angry about it?”

“Because, its not any of your damn business, alright?”

“Look, I’m willing to talk. Girl problems aren’t it?”

“Kind of.”

“Well, how do you ‘kind of’ have girl problems, hmm?”

“Umm, I had girl problems. Now, I have different girl problems.”

“Well, what were your original girl problems, Billy?”

Billy Bo Bob slammed his fist on the table again and said, “Its Billy Bo Bob. Well, she would always nag and complain about how I never would take out the trash or wash the dishes or do anything at all.”

“I take it you finally fixed your problems with her then?”

“Well, yea sure.”

“Yea sure? What is that supposed to mean?”

“Well, In my fixing my original problems, I got into my new problems.”

“I am almost afraid to ask, but what are your new problems?”

Quinn finished off the remains of his breakfast and ordered more coffee for them when the waitress came to get the dishes. He slowly sipped on his beverage as Billy Bo Bob answered the question.

“I got to find somewhere to bury her.”

“Bury? As in the ground?”

“I was thinking the ground, but the ocean would work just fine too.”

“You killed her? Why did you kill her?”

“Like I was telling you, she nagged me all the time. I just couldn’t take it. I warned her, time and time again, that she was going to nag me to the point of murder.”

“So? You killed her. Just pulled the trigger, huh?”

“I didn’t say anything about a trigger.”

“I ask only out of morbid curiosity, what did you kill her with then?”

“A very large fish.”

Quinn looked at Billy Bo Bob for a few seconds before replying to

“A fish? Why on earth did you kill her with a fish?”

“A herring to be precise. I had caught it earlier that day. When I showed her it, she just started her normal nagging. She didn’t even tell me how nice it was. So, I shoved it down her throat. It didn’t take long for her to choke to death.”

“Didn’t you think that was a little drastic?”

“Well, no, not really. She deserved more, actually.”

“More than choking to death on a herring? Good god man. I think you are a loony. I am going to get out of here right now, psycho.” Quinn got up from the booth left the restaurant without paying his bill. He didn’t bother to look back as he went out the door.

“Waitress, I’d like what the man just here had for breakfast.”